Control: What to do if you lose it
Having everything under control is very nice, but a situation you usually can't hold on to for a long time. People are really going to end up doing what they feel is important, and that is not always in line with what you feel is important. So what do you do when you feel like you have totally lost control of your life? That's what I explore in this blog
Losing control
Losing control can happen in several ways. Sometimes losing control is very gradual. You get the feeling that you are just too often in a traffic jam that keeps making you late for work. Your friends' nights out aren't what they used to be. You gain more weight than you like and feel like you're on a downward spiral.
Losing control can also happen very suddenly. You lose your job, and as a result, you lose your relationship and suddenly find yourself completely on your own.
Or you might be traumatized by a serious event that truly turns your world upside down. Because such an event can leave you so deeply shaken, it can also lead to other consequences.
In both cases, the loss of control causes a lot of stress and can leave you wondering, “What am I doing all this for?” You may then resort to unhealthy ways of coping with that stress, and to prevent that, it’s important to maintain a sense of control.
What happens when control is lost is the following; this reasoning is based on cybernetic control theory[1]. You are in a certain situation and it doesn't feel right because of factors outside of you. Then you compare that situation to other situations you have been in before, where you had certain behaviors that ensured a good outcome, the achievement of a certain goal, and so you start performing those behaviors again in the current situation.
However, the effect is not the same as in the previous situation. Which shows that the situation is not what you expected and the idea that you could do something to change the situation is wiped away.
When you notice time and again that your efforts to change the situation aren’t having the desired effect, this can make you feel like you’ve lost control. Failing to achieve your goals time and again—no matter how big or small those goals may be—is simply not fun and leaves you feeling powerless.
In the process, you then also come into conflict with how you are in reality, how effective say, and how you want to be. If this difference becomes too great it can cause all kinds of psychological problems.
Controlfreak
If you’re a control freak, losing control can actually make you want to control everything even more. You’d prefer to have control over whether or not there’s a traffic jam.
You may want to check out those around you.
But this is a path that only takes you further away from control of your environment. As the above theory describes, the only thing you really have control over is how you react when your environment changes.
Social monitoring
In that case, social control may be another reason why you feel like you can’t do or control what you actually want to do.
This is because in order to achieve certain goals, you have steps in your mind about how to go about it then. Those steps you can take are determined in part by your knowledge of what can and cannot be done in certain situations and with certain people.
For example, when your boss does something that does not make you happy, scolding is a response that is not going to help you move forward that you have ever picked up that in such a situation with that person that does not work.
While this might work with a colleague (also not entirely recommended) or outdoors to get people to commit.
Those ideas you have about what you can do in a given situation is also called social control. People may have even challenged you in the past for behavior that was not appropriate in a particular situation.
However, those beliefs about what is or isn’t appropriate in a social situation can prevent you from actually gaining more control. For example, through a Socratic dialogue—a “why” conversation—you can figure out why you do things the way you do and whether this actually makes sense.
When you have a conversation like this while under hypnosis, you can get to the root of your control issue fairly quickly. For example, you might have a belief that doesn’t make any sense at all, in which case you can use hypnotic suggestions to develop new beliefs that help you regain your sense of control.
You control your response
After all, as mentioned, the only thing you can really control yourself is your reaction to what is happening. Jewish psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, for example, noticed that the people who endured in concentration camps realized that they could control how they would react to the terrible things the Nazis did.
Those people really had no control at all, but realized they could control their own mood and thoughts.
One way to give you a greater sense of control is to show you that there is always a form of control you can exercise: self-control.
This feeling can be enhanced with hypnosis[2] after you have determined, for example, with a Socratic conversation that there is more room for control than you thought, but you have yet to find where that space is.
This can include suggestions such as:
"Your response is control."
"I keep going."
"There's always a moment when it works," says Dr. K. K., "and there's always a moment when it works."
These are only suggestions, depending on your beliefs about control, a hypnosis expert may give you other suggestions.
Regression over control
In addition, regression can also help you identify the first time you felt you had completely lost control of a situation. This can be helpful because your sense of powerlessness may stem from a pattern in your life that has developed since then because you believe you have no control.
Before receiving a regression from a hypnosis expert, you receive a preliminary consultation. With this preliminary interview, the problem is already explored a bit and through the preliminary interview, the hypnotist can determine which hypnotic induction will work best for you.
You are then put under hypnosis, and the regression is performed. For example, you’ll be given the suggestion to go back to the first moment when you felt like you were losing control. Because you’re in close contact with your subconscious during hypnosis, your memory will quickly return to that moment. This may be a completely different moment than you expected during the preliminary consultation.
Then, when you get there in your mind, the hypnotist helps you see this moment from many angles. This can already change the belief of loss of control. In addition, you will also do something to further process the moment. This is where the hypnotist helps you.
Since these events are unique to everyone - after all, everyone has a unique life - I can't say much else about them in this blog.
After the regression, the hypnotist checks that the feeling of losing control is gone and then he will bring you out of hypnosis.
This moment can feel incredibly liberating, allowing you to literally feel a lot lighter.
Hypnosis to help control yourself and others
With hypnosis, you can help yourself and others experience more control over their lives.
Would you like to know what hypnosis feels like and whether you can put other people under hypnosis? Then come to the hypnosis workshop in Zwolle or Wormerveer.
Instead, would you like to get started immediately with techniques to help yourself or others? Then register directly for one of the training courses at the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands in Zwolle or Wormerveer. Ask about the online options if that suits you better.
[1] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1982-26944-001
[2] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.1988.10402767