Unable to sleep due to fretting: what to do

January 22, 2017

Worrying, everyone does it from time to time. It's just not a problem that gives everyone sleepless nights. Then you have a broken day and then you can fret about that all over again. Worrying is actually a very awkward activity and if you're reading this you've figured it out yourself, but want to do something about it.

In this blog, I want to give you some tools to be able to stop fretting and therefore get back to a normal night's sleep.

To best help you stop fretting, it is important to know what you are actually doing when you are fretting. When you are brooding you are often thinking about a decision you have yet to make.

Thinking about something from the past is often called rumination. The difference between brooding and rumination is that when you ruminate you totally relive the consequences of a decision. Rumination also has a predictive factor, if you engage in this a lot you are more likely to develop mental health problems later on( 1).

Or just an unpleasant event.

With brooding, you think precisely about what could be. What if you make decision A or decision B?

The downside of brooding is that you see the bears on the road with every decision. So decision A and decision B are actually both wrong. This makes it very difficult to think and reason and take steps toward a solution.

Most people stop fretting when there is an option C or when the bears have been driven off the road again.

Worrying too much

When you fret too much, you actually stay stuck in that negative thinking pattern. This can cause you to see yourself as a victim of the situation.

Another downside is that you’ll start to find everything so impossible that you ’ll develop a form of depression . A characteristic of depression, for example, is that you no longer enjoy anything and find it difficult to see the positive aspects of certain situations or choices.

In addition, worrying is also a form of procrastination. Worrying is, in fact, very similar to “doing” something. You’re thinking about the right course of action . However, by continuing to think, you’re actually failing to take that course of action. As a result, you may miss out on opportunities.

For example, you're mulling over whether to go for an internal job opening that means a promotion, but overnight it's already filled by another colleague. Or even worse, by someone who didn't even work at the company!

Then you've clearly been thinking too long and not taking enough actual action.

Unable to sleep due to fretting

Another major drawback of brooding is that it can keep you awake( 2). When you have an important decision to make, like whether or not to change jobs. Or which house to buy. How high do you want your mortgage to be? Then this can cause you to keep mulling over this.

Perhaps even after you have already made your choice.

Because you find it hard to stop thinking, it’s also hard to fall asleep . Once you’re asleep, there’s a good chance you’ll dream about it. If your thoughts are really negative, you might even have nightmares on top of that.

Then you'll startle in no time.

One of the reasons why some people stay awake due to fretting is because they are still working at night. Just checking social media or email before bed and then starting to think about how they are going to respond to it the next day. The result is a sleepless night.

Dealing with fretting

Dealing well with brooding, then, is important for several reasons. It is important to stop brooding or at least reduce it to an acceptable amount to avoid the following problems:

Sense of victimization
Depression
Insomnia
Missing Opportunities

Stop fretting with these tips

Stopping fretting is not something that can be changed overnight for most people; there are exceptions, of course. Fortunately, however, there are many things you can do to stop fretting.

Tip 1: Write it off your chest

Having a journal is something many people use to write off personal problems. Sometimes there are just all kinds of thoughts and reflections "stuck" in your head. By putting them on paper you almost literally get them out of your head.

In doing so, this provides a nice overview that allows you to find important considerations.

This prevents thoughts such as: "Shit, yesterday I knew exactly how to do it.".

You don't have to use the journal every day either, but it can be useful for writing musings away from you. If necessary, write "Mulling Journal" on it.

In addition, you can also write a to-do list for the next day. The more precise the list, the faster you will fall asleep( 3).

Tip 2: Use mindfulness

Sometimes brooding can come up very sneaky. You're just enjoying thinking about fun things you're going to do, but then suddenly you're thinking about your problem and you're brooding again anyway.

By practicing mindfulness, you’ll notice sooner when you start worrying. This is because you become slightly more aware of your thoughts. The more you practice mindfulness, the more you’ll notice that certain thoughts arise at certain moments.

In addition, you can use mindfulness to try to reduce the influence of your thoughts on your emotions.

Worrying can actually cause stress, which prevents you from falling asleep. By practicing mindfulness, you can reduce stress, which in turn can help you sleep better.

Tip 3: Breathe more

Simply breathing calmly through the belly is part of mindfulness meditation. Quiet breathing in and out. This technique is widely used in mental techniques to rise above your thoughts.

Deep breathing is also important for hypnosis, self-hypnosis, neuro linguistic programming and techniques used in cognitive behavioral therapy.

Deep breathing actually allows you to get a little more oxygen into your body for a while. This allows you to relax better and bring your attention back into the here and now for a while.

Especially if your worries make you feel uneasy or cause you to develop fears , taking a few deep breaths can help you let go of that feeling for a moment and refocus your attention.

Tip 4: Action

Sometimes you just have to make a choice and then follow up on the decision. If you find it difficult to do what you mull over right away, you can first try doing something new every day.

This also helps you build more self-confidence and self-assurance to make decisions and take the plunge.

Tip 5: The heads or tails test

Still, I get it that you want to do jumping into the deep end with some preparation. As such, you've already done a lot of pondering. If you still don't know which decision is now the one you want to follow you can take the heads or tails test.

If you have 2 decisions you put one decision on heads and the other decision on tails.

You toss the coin, catch it and place the coin on the back of your hand.

You should go for the heads or tails decision, but if you're now thinking "shit, I wish it was the other one." Then you know you should go for that decision.

So above all, let your feelings speak and go for the one that is strongest. Go for the choice you want to come out of the heads or tails test.

Tip 6: Examine your blockages

Are you finding it really hard to take action? Then consider what is causing you to be afraid to go for a choice. Why is it hard to do something you actually know you should do, because otherwise you wouldn't fret.

Figuring out your blockages will help you determine if such a blockage makes sense and if you're not actually letting something hold you back that just isn't there.

For example, you can write down your block and then think of at least 5 reasons for each block why it doesn't make sense. You can also enlist the help of friends or family for this if you find it scary.

If you don't trust that either, you can also seek help from a hypnotherapist to help you figure out and break through your blockages.

Tip 7: Do something with these tips

Remember that your thoughts play an important role in how you see the world around you. If you repeat certain thoughts often enough, they can influence your beliefs.

For example, if you mull over whether or not to ask for a pay raise and then start mulling over negative thoughts about your boss or supervisor, this can cause you to suddenly dislike your boss even though he/she has done nothing.

Because of this, thoughts can affect what you do and even in a negative way. Therefore, it is really important to reduce fretting with these tips so you can get back to sleep and make the most of your life.

Would you like to learn more about mental techniques to gain more control over your thoughts? Then join the free online masterclass on hypnosis and check out the courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands.

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