Giving up is something looked at as failure. You must always keep going to reach your goal. You should never give up, which is for suckers. You have to keep going until the last gasp. If you achieve something that took sweat, blood and tears then you have made it all the way. This is why we all look strangely when someone drops out just before graduation. How could he/she do that he was so close....
Because the best steersmen are the ones who criticize giving up, you often think giving up is bad, but sometimes it's just really better for you.
Take Lisa, for example. Lisa was in college and working on her master's thesis. However, her father had lost his job and many things had to change at home, especially when unemployment benefits also lapsed and he was on welfare. The money she earned on the side no longer went to going out, but to the family budget. Because in the Netherlands, you don't get welfare if adults in your home make enough money.
This prevented her from taking extra time off for times when things became more difficult with her thesis, because she was suddenly the financial safety net, and you don't abandon your family.
On top of that, her father also ended up in depression (because being a man financially dependent on your daughter is hard to accept) which didn't help the coziness of the house and her focus on her thesis either.
Lisa ended up in a slump as a result. Instead of living, she was being lived to work and graduate. She couldn't handle the feedback she received from her supervisor, even though she thought she could.
In time, she could no longer even enjoy the sun shining, just like her father. When, to make matters worse, she had to submit the thesis she had written up to that point as a first draft and it was (of course) rejected, it became too much for her for a while.
She was still trying to save her thesis, but sometimes when she thought for a moment of "I'll just quit, I have work and it will all work out" such peace came over her. The sun that was already shining was suddenly brighter.
After consulting with her tutor, she found that she could just take a six-month break. So she did.
The moment you become truly happier by quitting. If you have been fighting for a year, sometimes it can be better for yourself to give up. Giving up then is actually winning.
Giving up is not a human thing
Giving up is also something animals do and we can learn a lot from that. Sometimes times are just tough. For example, a dolphin who had been punished too much just wanted to lie down. He had become so passive and fearful of people and other dolphins that he even did something to himself.
Fortunately, he had a team of caregivers around him who made sure he was fed, without having to do anything. The moment he realized that the people were nice and so were the dolphins he began to participate again.
Animals give up waiting for better times. Of course, you then have to take action again and not totally give up on yourself for your entire life.
Prevent burnout
Because we like to win in life, we go far on our chosen path. You once thought of becoming a top entrepreneur/lawyer/doctor/sales accountant or something similar. Unfortunately, that path does not always go in a straight line to the top.
As with the example of Lisa who took a break and was fortunate that her father did indeed get a new job within that time period allowing her to focus all her attention back on her thesis, you can take a (temporary) break to reach that peak.
If you find yourself bumping up against burnout because you can't even enjoy the sun shining anymore. Just snapping at your partner and completely losing the desire to exercise, maybe it's time to take a break.
It's time to focus on what really matters.
Is it really that important?
To identify why you are so eager to keep going and what beliefs are causing you to be unstoppable, seek help from a hypnotherapist.
- Why would you like to become a top X?
- What beliefs do you have in your subconscious that are causing this?
For example, a hypnotherapist can use socratic conversations to find out why you would like to be top-X. Then you can explore whether those beliefs make sense and whether the goals you want to achieve can be achieved in other ways.
Is there an underlying reason why you overwork yourself?
In addition, the hypnotherapist can help you with regression therapy to find out if there is another underlying reason why you would rather work yourself into depression than take a step back.
For example, fear of poverty and failure can be reasons for not quitting and not taking moments to slow down.
During a regression, you may find out that a particular event in your life contributed to the drive to especially not quit, despite the health risks it may pose.
A good example of this is Christian. He is a man of 39 and couldn't stop working. A work addiction it wasn't really, but more of an urge not to give up despite risking relationships as a result. Due to an ultimatum from his partner, he went to a hypnotherapist for regression.
During this regression, he discovered that his fear of poverty arose when he was a small child and his father (the breadwinner) lost his job. This caused his mother to leave his father and basically everything went wrong. This was a situation he wanted to avoid at all costs.
Only his situation is very different. He has a steady, good and busy job a good savings account and a wife who also works full-time and even encourages him to take it just a little slower so they can have more quality time.
Comparing his father's situation with his own, he realized that he didn't need that promotion at all and that it was best to just think a 50-hour work week was good enough. Of course, a 60-hour work week was not necessary either. In addition, he had also made a different choice of partner than his father and times are very different from then.
Giving up is not giving up
Giving up can be a break, or a change in your life that you just need. As long as you are not making a "change in your life that you just need" every year, there is not much to it and giving up can also be called pausing or changing.
In this regard, giving up is also a time for evaluation. Is this really the path you want to follow in your life? Is this goal worth the occasional cry for? Are there other ways to achieve the goal? Is my planning to achieve the goal realistic?
Make goal less specific
For example, do you have the goal of becoming a top surgeon, but it turns out you just can't stand blood? In that case, it is wise to make the goal you actually have less specific. For example, becoming a top surgeon may mean that you want to be very good at supporting people with their health.
Your goal may then be to be a good health provider, in which case you can also choose from the following professions:
- Psychiatrist
- Psychologist
- GP
- Dietitian
- Personal trainer
If you broaden the goal, you see that you don't necessarily need a university degree to help people with their health. Even a college degree in fitness instructor or dietician can then help you achieve your goal of helping people with their health.
In addition, you can look at external factors of the goal or that is not the actual goal you want to achieve. A surgeon has an exciting profession and one with a high salary. If making a lot of money was actually the goal then you can achieve that with other types of businesses.
Reflect on how far you've actually come
In addition, you can also look at the goals you have already achieved. For example, a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania used to want to play in the NBA, America's basketball league comparable to Holland's premier league. He unfortunately did not succeed, but he did play on his university's basketball team, which is already a top achievement in the U.S. as well.
This made him better able to live with the fact that the dream was not going to be fulfilled and that he would just become a top psychologist.
Hypnotherapy can help you let go of goals and reflect on goals and how important they are to you. Want to learn more about hypnotherapy? Then come to a playshop and check out the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' trainings .
Sources:
http://www.businessinsider.com/adam-grant-commencement-speech-advice-2017-5?international=true&r=US&IR=T
