The therapeutic relationship you have with your therapist or coach is very important to the effect of the therapy or help you receive. This is because not only what you believe matters for your therapy, what the therapist believes also matters for the effect of the therapy. In fact, this is going to affect your therapeutic relationship.
Just think how you feel when you talk to a therapist who has no confidence that you will heal from your problem with treatment. Be it trauma, depression or insomnia.
That doesn't feel good, and that immediately saps energy.
So then it's best to leave right away. Because a therapist who doesn't believe you can get rid of your problem is of no use to you at all.
Therapeutic relationship: Someone who believes in you
Instead, you want a therapist who believes you can get rid of your problem. Leaving aside that you want to get rid of it yourself.
If you don't want to get rid of it and especially want confirmation that it's all bad, choose someone who says you'll never get better and have to learn to live with it.
But if you don't want that, if you don't want to feel bad, go seek help from someone who does believe in you and who believes you can do it. Someone who believes that people are self-reliant and that people are naturally good and fine. Someone who believes that you can feel happy, free and joyful no matter what you've been through.
Because you need that therapist or coach.
After all, if the professional doesn't believe it already, how are you supposed to believe in it? Of course, you can be the exception who rebels against the idea that you can't do something and then go and prove that you can, but that takes a lot of energy.
Research also shows that clients of therapists pay attention to the quality of the therapist himself (say, the skills), empathy, the extent to which the therapist is considerate of the client, and the unconditionality of the therapy are important in trusting the therapist[1].
Of course, this is much easier if the therapist believes in you and doesn't force you to do something you don't want to do.
It's much nicer when people believe in you. If you don't get this from your environment, if there is no one around you who believes in you, then you need to look for people who do believe in you.
If you then pay someone for it, that person has to believe in you. He must then believe that you can get rid of your problem, that you can tackle it.
This is incredibly important to the therapeutic relationship.
You are not your problem
Very often you see that things are done differently. People are often identified with the problem. You have anxiety, you're your anxiety disorder, you're depressed. As if that's all you are.
But if this is repeated often enough, you start to believe it.
Then you think, "Yeah, but I'm also just depressed."
You have proof of that, too. At some point, that belief becomes more and more reality. Often it's already reality that you're not feeling well.
Then they go on to confirm that this is the case and there is nothing you can do about it.
It happened to you. It's your genes. It's hereditary, your family ...
But that other side of the meaning is that you don't have to do anything, because you can't do anything about it.
When that is said to you, it is very unpleasant.
Of course, things can happen to you. You may have had a terrible childhood. Things may have happened to you that make you feel depressed or have other bad feelings.
That's exactly when you need someone who understands that. Who understands that it's shit, but who wants to help you find a way to help you leave it behind.
This sounds simple, but is not always easily done.
Then when you have one of those sour Harrys in front of you who finds everything difficult, who says it's very difficult, yes you start to think he has a point. After all, that's how it feels.
But when you have someone in front of you who believes in you and can teach you how to act and be happy again, even if it's a long road, you believe it more.
So if you're not feeling well and need help, many people have. I need help sometimes, too.
Seeking help is smart
You're not crazy if you need help. In fact, it's pretty smart.
People do take their car to the garage, they do take their pet to the vet.
But then if you're struggling with something yourself, many people try to solve it on their own.
As if the brain isn't complicated. As if the brain were like a pair of shoes or a car's engine.
Like a car engine isn't complicated.
The brain is all complicated. So it is not at all strange to seek help for it.
Everyone needs help. If I want to grow my business, I look for someone who knows how to do it well. If I want to write a book, I look for someone who already has experience with that. If I want to learn to play the piano, I go on a course and look for help as well.
But pinging on a piano is a lot different than pinging with your own brain when you're not feeling well.
So it's not at all strange to seek help.
So if you do, don't settle for someone who doesn't believe in you and thinks you need to learn to deal with it.
Suggestions are not always the truth
You shouldn't take all suggestions. They often pony it up as fact.
"You're missing a substance in your head."
Did they measure that? Did they draw blood? Did they do scans? What was your serotonin level yesterday or last year? This also goes in waves.
And 95% of your serotonin stores are in your gut, by the way.
So what's the bullshit? These are often suggestions and you don't have to take them.
You need someone to say:
"Dude, topper, you're just going to do this. You're doing something right now that doesn't work and I'm going to teach you something that just does."
You must have one.
Where do you find these people? You'll have to look hard.
Take the time to find your therapist
I train each trainee with the idea that they can do it and that the client can do it. We believe in the self-reliance of our clients.
Not only our trainees are like this, so are sat people.
To find out, first come for an intake or exploratory consultation and ask the question, "Do you think I can get rid of this?"
If he says "Yes," then fine.
Says he, "Getting rid of it? You have to learn to deal with it."
Then leave immediately. There's no use for that.
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/1919249-zure-therapeuten-zure-clienten?play=true
Research also shows that when you do not have a good connection with your psychologist, it often causes more psychological stress after treatment than when you do have a good relationship with your therapist[2].
This in itself also says something about how successful the treatment is.
Research does indicate that following online programs goes better if you also receive guidance in doing so from a psychotherapist. Especially when they encourage you to do something, when they support you and when they answer questions, for example about homework you can be given[3].
So support rather than pessimism is definitely important, too. In fact, the same research also shows that administrative expressions and suddenly giving assignments actually caused worse results again.
Are you looking for a therapist who is sure to draw on their own power and your inner strength to help heal yourself? Then take a look at bestetherapeut.nl, there you will see many therapists who have completed the training of the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands.
Just want to learn more about hypnosis yourself first and how it might prevent therapy? Then come to the free online master class on hypnosis.
Just want to help people as a coach or therapist? Then enroll in one of our training courses. The trainings are taught online from a professional studio, with plenty of assistance and even room for 1-on-1 coaching. All this to guarantee the progress of the training, no matter what rules politicians come up with.
Sources:
[1] https://search.proquest.com/openview/289b68da231476d96a4d9d8929567e7f/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y
[2] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-28272-001
[3] https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Heather_Hadjistavropoulos/publication/304003271_Internet-delivered_Cognitive_Behaviour_Therapy_for_Depressive_Symptoms_An_Exploratory_Examination_of_Therapist_Behaviours_and_their_Relationship_to_Outcome_and_Therapeutic_Alliance/links/5c3e66e0458515a4c7294e43/Internet-delivered-Cognitive-Behaviour-Therapy-for-Depressive-Symptoms-An-Exploratory-Examination-of-Therapist-Behaviours-and-their-Relationship-to-Outcome-and-Therapeutic-Alliance.pdf
