A letter to Yuri van Gelder
Dear Yuri,
Much has already been written about everything and I thought should I put something down and I thought yes I should. So herewith an open letter to you
At the NK in Nijverdal, we met, very fleetingly and you took a picture with my son. One of my boys participated in the NK gymnastics and, by the way, finished4th of the Netherlands on the rings.
I myself am not a gymnast at all, in fact I didn't really like it that much. I watched more soccer, until my boys got on it and now really do train professionally.
My outlook has changed - what these guys have to do to get to the top is enormous and comparable to no sport.
I mean in what sport do you train 14 hours a week at age 7. In gymnastics it does. My little son is 9 and is also training that much next season. 'Otherwise he won't make it at that level' said his trainer. Unbelievable, but well you know all about it.
My view has changed dramatically and then when I calculate what you had to train to get there it is unprecedented. You started as a five-year-old I read somewhere and let me assume you started training more at age eight to 630 hours a year.
At 13, that probably went to 20 hours and now you train more than 30 hours a week. If you add that up you're probably at 25,000+ hours of training for the Olympic Finals and then this, among other things....
The tears were in my eyes that you were sent away. Of course you will have had a few drinks, maybe even more than a few beers. You have been treated for an addiction all of Holland knows and I myself have been an addict. The difference is that I certainly don't label it as a disease or that you could never get rid of it. I find that nonsense and I also find it very bad suggestions, but well....
However, you do have to watch out. You know how it works, you're not retarded, but it happens and I recognize that. What I wonder is what your friend is doing in a nightclub when you have to perform. And what kind of friends are they if they keep giving you drinks (if they do).
Environment is crucial for someone like you. There have been lots of studies on addictions and addictive behaviors, and it has been proven that social connection and a deep and loving connection with people can really heal.
Addicts often run away from that, finding it scary, not manly, but deep inside they crave that connection, that love and that connection. If you've been there then you know that.
Therein lies the solution and turning someone away is the exact opposite effect. Yes of course you have to send someone away. Junkies you should also kick away from the station....
Well, those people haven't been there. They just shout and don't understand that the opposite is the solution. That creates healing, connection and recovery.
What I feared didn't happen thankfully and I think that's also because of your iron discipline and top sports mentality of 25000 hours of training. I thought 'if only he doesn't lose it', but you have a new goal again and you are going to flame and I hope so.
What I also hope is that afterwards you dare to make loving and deep connections with people. It only has to be a few but that will REALLY help you in fact.
The trainer you had (and I know some gymnastics trainers now) who doesn't get that. Those are pretty black and white in their approach. If you don't make it and play by the rules then you're out. That's already the case with my 9-year-old son, but yes you're not 9. You were at the Olympics with a chance for a plaque and eternal fame.
That trainer should have hugged you and said "Is good man, go to sleep and you're just going to do it Monday, we love you at TeamNL...
But yes ... giving love to someone who is struggling is against the rules apparently....
Now tonight we are watching a finale without you. I don't know if you are going to watch and if you are reading this but I really wish you the very best. I love you man!
Greetings,
Edwin