Betwetter: how to deal with it and how to stop it
Are you always right or do you know someone who thinks they are always right even though they are not? Dealing with a know-it-all can be very exhausting, and being a know-it-all is something that doesn't always make you happy yourself. After all, relationships are hard to maintain if you are always telling someone that they are not right even when the other person is.
Pedant Meaning
What exactly is a know-it-all?
According to my dictionary, a pedantic is:
1) Meddlesome
2) Stubborn
3) Stubborn person
4) Stubborn person
5) Opinionated
6) Frik
7) Someone who thinks they know everything better
8) Someone who always contradicts
9) Pedantic
10) Protocol
11) Pruttler (Southern Dutch)
12) Control freak
13) Delusional
14) Weetal
15) Wise guy
The saying that the best steersmen are the best ashore also applies to the know-it-all. Everyone knows someone who knows what's best for your life and has an up or down about everything. Even if you say you got a 10 on an assignment, he will know why you didn't earn that 10.
Or someone who always wants to arrange everything, says there is participation, but still makes his own plan.
Why is anyone a know-it-all
Do you actually recognize yourself as a know-it-all and wonder why this is happening? Then it's time to look at your emotional intelligence. Your EQ says nothing about your intelligence in general, but on the skills to recognize and influence your own emotions and to do the same with those around you.
For example, you know what to do to make people around you happy or to calm them down.
If you are not as good at this, it can lead to being a pedantic person. You then simply fail to realize that someone is not waiting for your (well-meaning) advice.
In addition, people with personality disorders are more likely to suffer from being pedantic. However, this is not standard; you can be a know-it-all and not be bothered by anything else.
Dealing with know-it-alls
So many know-it-alls don't realize that their well-meaning advice is not taken as well-meaning at all.
So how do you deal with that as a recipient?
1. Realize that the pedantic is not necessarily sick
Now that you’ve read that some know-it-alls suffer from a personality disorder, such as narcissism, it’s very tempting to label them. He can’t help it because he’s egocentric or selfish. But that’s not always the case, and it’s also unfair to the know-it-all.
Some relationships just aren't perfect.
2. Show more clearly how his behavior affects you
Realizing that the pedantic has low EQ has implications on how to deal with it. 1 annoyed look may not be a sufficient hint for him to stop giving the well-meaning opinion or view of the "problem."
Instead of the annoyed look, you can say how the pedantic comment makes you feel and ask how he would feel about it.
3. Don't get angry
Being a good example follows. If you show that you are in control of your emotions, the know-it-all can see this as an example, making him less likely to try to force his opinion on you.
4. Aren't you the know-it-all?
Yes, now it becomes a fun question. Of course, it's no fun to be told that you're not right and you want to convince the other person you're right again.
First ask yourself, is there a grain of truth in the other person's comment? Am I not being too cocky myself right now?
5. Keep talking
Especially when dealing with a friend or family member, it is important to keep talking and keeping communication possible. Also, sometimes it's just not possible to get rid of that annoying co-worker, as there is still bread to be earned.
By continuing to communicate, you'll continue to hone your skills for dealing with know-it-alls, increasing your EQ. Ultimately, you will get satisfaction from this when you can influence something so that it suits you.
Pin this handy infographic:
How to stop being pedantic
Did point 4 make you feel like you might be the know-it-all yourself? Then there are some steps you can take to make sure you stop knowing everything best for everyone.
Initially, it is important to figure out why you want to give everyone well-meaning advice and are quite persistent in doing so. One way to do this is to figure out your beliefs about yourself, the people around you and how the world works.
After all, those beliefs drive your behavior.
Socratic conversation
Uncovering these beliefs can be done under hypnosis with a Socratic conversation. During a Socratic conversation, the why question is repeated several times. For example:
Why do you always give everyone advice?
I think it makes me nicer.
Why?
Because I'm usually right and then they get more done.
Why?
I understand how the world works.
Why?
....
This could go on for a while. At least during this conversation, it already becomes clear what beliefs may be based on. In this example, there also seems to be a piece of uncertainty about being liked, and certainty about how the world works.
The great thing about Socratic conversation is that if you ask enough why, you eventually come to the realization that beliefs are sometimes based on nothing clear. Then you can very easily "install" new beliefs that help you stop betwetting.
Changing Beliefs
Changing beliefs that cause you to become a pedant can also be done with hypnosis. There are a number of ways to change beliefs, such as with repeating hypnotic suggestions during self-hypnosis.
Initially, you will learn these with your hypnotist and then work with them at home. There you sit or lie down in a comfortable place and relax yourself. You pay attention to even breathing, then you close your eyes and repeat the hypnotic suggestions.
"I only need to share my opinion once."
"Everyone makes their own choices."
"People also like me when I give my opinion 1 or 2 times," he says.
"I am only in control of my own life."
These are just examples of hypnotic suggestions; depending on your beliefs, a hypnotist may give you other suggestions.
Practical tips to stop being a know-it-all
Fortunately, there are also some practical tips you can implement to stop knowing everything better. If you find it difficult to implement the tips, you can first visualize them with a hypnotist. During the visualization you will learn techniques to stay calm and not impulsively impose your opinion, or repeat it more than 2 times.
Tip #1: Keep listening
If someone tells you something about his or her life. Then keep listening and especially use words that encourage further conversation, such as "yes." Stay focused on what people are saying and if your thoughts do run away with you focus on breathing for a moment. Wait until the other person has spoken and only then give your fully informed opinion.
Tip 2: Keep developing
The most annoying thing about a pedantic person is when they are pedantic for no good reason. Continuing to educate yourself also builds more authority on which your well-meaning advice is based. So go to a workshop, read that book about your field and take that course to become a total expert.
Tip 3: Wait 1 second longer
When conversations fall silent, it is very tempting to fill that void, with yes something pedantic when you don't even want to be. The great thing is that most people can't stand such silence. By holding back and waiting 1 more second, chances are that someone else will fill the void.
Tip 4: Which is more important being right or being happy
Especially in discussions in your personal life, sometimes you can prove another person right, even if they don't have it, to ensure that your relationship stays good. Because in the end, what is more important? Being right or being happy and being able to get through the same door together in the future.
Being a know-it-all isn’t something we do consciously. That’s why dealing with someone who is a know-it-all can be very difficult, and being a know-it-all isn’t always fun either. Fortunately, both sides can do a lot to reduce the annoyance caused by know-it-all behavior, and hypnosis can help with this—even making it easier to put practical tips into action.
Would you like to know exactly how hypnosis works and how you can use it to help yourself and others? Then come join our free online masterclass on hypnosis or sign up for a course at our institute.
Sources:
https://www.encyclo.nl/begrip/betweter
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201807/5-ways-handle-people-who-always-think-they-re-right
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-intelligence