How often do you feel that you are not living the life in which you are truly free? A life in which you are content and a life in which you are actually a prisoner of your own life? You live in a free country and yet you don't feel free, how can that be? And what can you do to be really free?
To answer that question, in this blog I will discuss what being free means and what you can do to be truly free.
What is being free?
Being free can be divided into 3 things, namely:
- Being free to do
- Being free to be
- Being free to have
So freedom is being free to do certain things, such as dress the way you want and to find a job.
Freedom is also being free to be who you are. The most well-known examples of this include freedom in sexual orientation, but also the freedom to occasionally play someone else, such as at carnival, or conversely to be free to express yourself artistically. Transvestism, for example, is a freedom to be who you want to be.
Freedom is also the freedom to have certain things. In the Netherlands, you can have a bank account from a certain age. So in some countries, as a woman, you don't have that right.
In the Netherlands, you are generally free to have anything, as long as you pay for it or someone voluntarily gives it to you.
Unfortunately, in the Netherlands you are often steered with the wallet, perhaps you can afford to buy a bigger car, but then again the monthly tax is sometimes too high, limiting that freedom with the wallet. Also, receiving donations is taxed after a certain amount.
In this article, I'm going to talk mostly about being free to do and free to be.
Being free on weekends
What we often minimally want to achieve in the Netherlands is to have weekends off. Free, at least, to do nothing and not work for a boss.
Now to draw the comparison right away to what being free is, consider for yourself what you do on the weekend? In what ways do you celebrate being free on the weekend?
- What do you do on weekends?
- Are you different during the week?
If you behave differently on the weekends than during the week, it may be a sign that you find it difficult to be yourself at work or other times where you are with other people .
In itself, it is quite normal to be slightly different on the weekend than during the week. In the Netherlands, we have the habit of being very serious during the week and then going out in the weekend and going completely crazy while going out.
This is a habit a foreign friend pointed out to me. He found us Dutch to be plannerish and thought it strange that we can even plan our fun. We wait until the weekend before having a fun evening with friends instead of accepting to have a fun evening during the week.
Limitations by Dutch Responsibility
I sometimes say:
"Want more freedom in your life? Then you need to limit yourself less."
Many Dutch people have an incredibly high sense of responsibility and that can limit us quite a bit, also the fear of not being "how it should be" is something that can limit us in our actions.
To give just one example. Many people want to have a big car, but are afraid that the neighborhood or other people will look at them for having a big car.
Most of the time, that's not even the argument for not doing it. Many people look for excuses such as difficulty parking with a large car just to avoid doing it.
This is a great shame because if you want it and can afford it, why not do it?
The fear of "how things should be" then causes you to limit yourself in your freedom (and in the case of a big car, in your safety).
You'll find that when you do buy that big car, or do put on that dress you bought especially for the office, you get mostly positive experiences.
People walk with you to see your new car and you get compliments on that dress you've had hanging in your closet for months now because you saw it in your mind, but lacked the mental freedom to actually put it on.
Why we are free when we think, and apparently not when we do?
Usually we are very free in what we think, but not in what we do.
We have all kinds of plans, but executing those plans is often blocked by our thoughts and beliefs .
Freedom of thought is a given and we may do a lot too, but apparently we hold ourselves back from doing what we want.
In general, fear of losing something is what makes it difficult for us to do what we want. To support this point, you can look at the author of the Harry Potter books. She was always afraid of poverty and at some point she had reached that point. Her fear had become true and with that her fear also disappeared and she could start writing the books she had had in her head for years.
To make sure you don't have to see your fear as truth first, you can take the following steps to be truly free.
Step 1: Everything you think is true is not true
Sure blue is blue and a tree remains a tree, but many of your social beliefs about what belongs and what doesn't don't have to be true. By stopping thinking about what people may think of you, and thus to let go of those social beliefs, you can focus on how you feel when you do certain things.
- Does it feel good to put on that dress now?
- Does it feel good to take steps at work that you've been walking around with for ages?
In addition, you can also list your beliefs and ask yourself with each one whether it makes sense for you to think this way about certain things. Why do you think that someone thinks X is important and therefore you should change your behavior?
To change or release your beliefs, you can also use self-hypnosis. A hypnotherapist can help you give hypnotic suggestions to change your social beliefs so you experience more freedom.
Step 2: It's not a competition
Always being right is fun, but exhausting. Because everyone sees the world in their own way and through the lens of their own beliefs, it is sometimes difficult to get it across to everyone that you are right.
Fortunately, life is not a contest in who is right most often. By accepting that you don't know everything and don't need to know everything, you will find that you feel much freer.
In the process, this also makes it easier to ask for help, and you will find that the person who then helps you with additional information appreciates helping. Moreover, you will see that helping other people is suddenly a lot less frustrating.
Step 3: Be kind to yourself
We are often much more preferable to our friends than to ourselves. If a friend or loved one were to come to you and say.
"I would like to try X at work, but I don't dare because soon everyone will think it's a bad idea."
Then you often say it's good to show initiative, even if it's a bad idea. At least you show that you want to take steps to move the company forward. You may not be allowed to implement your own idea, but you will be given another task because you show that you want to make something of your work.
Therefore, always ask yourself what you would say to your friends if they were held back by their beliefs.
Step 4: Go do something with your family and friends in nature
Ultimately, we are programmed to live as a group and also in nature. Going to the park for a day and doing something fun with friends and family strengthens the social bonds you have.
This social safety net can make you feel safer about taking a risk to do something once that makes you feel freer.
Want to learn more about mental techniques to experience freedom to the fullest? Then come to a seminar and check out Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' trainings.
Sources:
http://www.jstor.org/stable/2252407?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
http://theladiescoach.com/spirituality-and-self-love/choose-freedom/
