Family Constellations 2.0

Years ago, a friend came over and told me about his girlfriend. His girlfriend came from South America and wanted to return.

They now lived in a village and she really didn't feel ok there among those down-to-earth Dutch people, many of whom walked on clogs. She was a family person. South American, spirited and loose in the hips. And now she lived with people in a village who didn't get any further than "Hi - Doeg"

Then again, she didn't understand them either when they said more. By the way, I also understood those people very awkwardly but well that aside.

He said, "Ed, what should I do. I don't want her to leave, but she wants to go back. She's totally had it here...'

I say, "When you think of her how do you see her?

'She's totally awesome man...' and he looked up. Like he was looking up to her.

I told him. "How does she feel about you looking up to her like that?

'Stifling ... but she is so wonderful. I'll do anything for her...'

'Fine, but put her at eye level with you. Will that work?

'Yes'

'And now next to you? How's that?

A sigh of relief passed through him. He was visibly relieved. 'Man this is much better. Thanks.'

He went home again.

She never went back. They got married, still live there and have two children. Suddenly he felt space, but so did she. Suddenly they were equals and that felt much better.

Where you have people standing in your mental space says everything about how you relate to those people. Are they standing close by? Then they have a lot of influence. Far away? No influence. Sometimes there are people standing close that you don't want to be close to.

But it could also be that you have them just so close to you that they have almost no location of their own. If you change something in that then it has a direct effect on the other person as well.

A very interesting mechanism...

Beautiful weekend!