There are a few things that are important when you are in conversation with someone. Always you are influencing that person. After all, you cannot influence according to Paul Watzlawick's axiom. Communication is influence and even if you don't say anything, even then you are saying something. However, you can tune in so that your message always arrives
The Secret of Influence
When you know exactly how someone wants to hear the message you are a lot further ahead. What would it be like if you knew exactly how to package your message so that everyone would hang on your every word? That people would immediately accept your statement? Perhaps it is utopian to be able to influence everyone, but you increase your chances when you do this.
Senses
As human beings, we have 5 senses. With these senses, we filter the world around us. We pay attention to things we see, hear, feel, smell or taste. But by no means do we see everything, nor do we hear or feel everything. We notice only what we think is important.
Your world is filtered, so to speak, because otherwise you will receive far too much information. Some 11.2 million bits per second of information comes in. If you had to process all that consciously, you would go crazy. Fortunately, that's why you have filters.
Filters of Influence
One such filter is the senses. Which sense do you put the most attention on. Do you care about seeing everything, hearing everything or does it have to feel good. When you know how that works for someone, you can tune in. You can then package your message in terms that are descriptive of "seeing," for example. For example:
"This plan looks good" or "It's bright" or use words like vague, brilliant, sparkling.
That's one filter...
There are more than 20 to choose from and imagine if you knew them all. How flexible would you be in your communication then?
You can then package your message so that it arrives much better and goes right through the person's filters. After all, if that person filters on "that which I see," then there's little point in saying it feels so "right," is there?
Another interesting filter is the filter: sort styles or primary interest
You can tune into the senses as you've noticed and that's already quite a feat. When that comes easily to you then you can start using the following filter. What else is the person's attention on? Is that on:
- People
- Things
- Activities
- spots
- Information
When someone talks about their vacation, for example, their attention subconsciously goes to one of these 5 "sorting styles. About 3 will predominate and 2 will definitely not appear. When you know that then you can tune into that and tailor your message even more.
If you have the filter set to "People" then you care about people. You also have your attention on those people and are often good at remembering faces and names. The story then reflects that.
The "Things" filter is one you often see among collectors and people who like gadgets. You can hear it reflected in the story when it talks about nice houses, fat cars and great clothes, for example.
Another filter is "Activities. You are then concerned with what there is to do. This is important. You do want to water ski and mountain climb or swim.
If the filter is on "Places" then you're talking about the places you've all been. They are also often people who travel a lot and want to have seen many places in their lives. They are also the people who can get very attached to their place....
The "Information" filter. If you scour the entire Internet for information before you do anything then that is an important filter for you. You are a person who goes through all the brochures from the travel agency before they go on vacation.
Everyone has these filters and there are 18 more ! In the master practitioner you will discover them all. Also in you, these filters work in a unique way and when you know how it works in you, you can also more quickly imagine that some people simply cannot understand you ;-) It's not you, it's the filters. From both you and them.
You can also, when you know your filters, better protect yourself from outside influences. So be a little more understanding of those around you and of yourself. It's just the filters...that's all it is....
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